A Day Off

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“Here I stand feeling lost and so alone.  Take my hand; don’t desert me now. Please don’t hurt me now.”- Tom Springfield

 

ImageI didn’t run today.  I was sore…I was going to run but I have so much work today and got a call today about a meeting I have to go to.  I feel like it has been Murphy’s Law this week and I am fighting my way to the weekend.

I once gave someone a picture of a tree that had fallen into the water…I feel like that is me sometimes.  I can’t get up.  I feel like love is the only thing that can get me out of the water I am sinking in.  Maybe I was silly to give it to some one but call me crazy, it looked like a heart in the picture…the way the tree and the shadow met.  They didn’t like it and I guess I can’t blame that person.  How can they see something in it they cannot possibly understand? I don’t know why but even though I am reaching my goals and trying to work hard at my job, but I don’t feel any less alone. I am not used to going home and being so alone all the time when I don’t have Lilly.  

Sometimes it is great to be alone but the more I think about everything and no matter how much Lilly loves me it is hard to love myself after giving so much throughout my life and not being good enough. I’m starting to feel like just being alone is the best for me because I will never have to feel like a disappointment. I may be broke, divorced and have a three year old, but I feel like I have a good heart and got out of a terrible situation. I like to help others and I am more than eager to do different things. Im active and completely happy with my little girl….

So when does it get better? How does one find self-love when you have been told you were not good enough….is it possible?

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2 thoughts on “A Day Off

  1. Very touching post.. I just want to tell you that everyone feels like that sometimes, we all have low moments, and self doubt moments.. You are trying to do the best for you and your little girl, that’s what counts. Be strong for you and for her, it WILL get better.

    • Thanks I appreciate it. I am trying to do the best I can for Lilly and I don’t get to see her all the time. Running is my void and it has gotten me through a lot. It has to get better and I know I could be worse off but I want to give her the best life…it’s the alone time

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