Skipper That! “Confession Tuesday”

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“Sailing a boat calls for quick action, a blending of feeling with the wind and water as well as with the very heart and soul of the boat itself.  Sailing teaches alertness and courage, and give in return a joyousness and peace that but few sports award.” – George Matthew Adams

ImageThe infamous Rhodes 19…Little Sacandaga Lake (Adirondacks)

     I realize I am a little late with this, but I forgot to do my confession Friday.  I miss sailing.  I love sailing and I think about it often.  This is my problem in life.  I cannot just pick one thing and love it the most.  I love too many things.  I miss sailing this boat.  I remember the days when the wind would pick up and I would drop whatever I was doing and want to go for a sail.  Whether it be a sunfish, Rhodes 19, or even just a boat, I loved being out on the water. 

Image  A Hobie Cat….Wowwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Hope they have a rig kit!

 

     So what is my confession?  If you could go back in time, this might be the one thing I could change.  I was working at LeMoyne College one day after I graduated.  I go back there and help sometimes.  A lady found out I was into sailing and I was pretty small.  She wanted me to be on her Hobie racing team.  The idea of being on a Hobie trapeze horrified me.  I told her I was happy she asked but I turned down her offer…I could hit myself now!  I wonder how much fun that would have been.  I think that seeing a Hobie tip and they did not have a kit to flip themselves back up.  They were out there for hours. 

 

     So the moral of the story is I miss sailing and I am going to hopefully take lessons.  I found some lessons on Skaneateles Lake for $40 an hour.  I will take it.  It isn’t that I do not know how to raise a jib or get the main sail ready, but I need to just have a refresher.  Maybe someday I will be able to afford my own sailboat.  That would be exciting.  Sure, I love a row or a kayak, but sailing feels wonderful….

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There is nothing like a good swim off of a sail boat too!  I have to not be alone though…otherwise I might lose the boat.  I am not very good at anchoring a boat!!!

It Has Been A While

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I know it has been a while since I have written. For a while, life was looking up. I think I have been doing a great job of listening to this quote. I have been enjoying the little things…

The truth is, when you get dealt shitty cards in life, you have to try to roll with it. I have learned a few things. I am strong from it. I don’t know how to go on sometimes, but I have managed. I think I have blocked out a lot of the past and it is slowly coming back…in bits and pieces. I think this is a good thing.

Let me tell you some of the bits and pieces….

I can no longer shut my eyes. The images are still there, just as if they had happened yesterday. I remember hiding the gun cabinet key in a drawer where it would not be found. I don’t know why it bothered me, but I hated knowing he could find it. It just made me uneasy. I don’t know if the drink made him that way, the drugs, or it was in his blood. I suspect a little bit of everything. When we bought our house, it had to have a bar. There had to be a bar and a pool table.

I could hear her crying…something was wrong, but I wasn’t allowed to go upstairs. She had to stay in her crib. She had to “stop whining.” She never whined…she was sick or worse. He didn’t know. How could he? He was never there…and we preferred it. We were better off.

I started to run with the jogger. I didn’t want to leave her there. She wasn’t allowed to see my sister though. I tried to sneak her there, but he made me give her to him. I had to leave her behind. It wasn’t fair. We tried to go to Skaneateles as much as possible. He would never come there. It was too far. We would spend hours building rock castles and waving at the mail boat from the dock. Every day, I wanted to just run with her…to some far off place…

It isn’t possible. No matter how much I have fought for freedom, it feels like we will never be free.