“To keep from decaying, to be a winner, the athlete must accept pain–not only accept it, but look for it, live with it, learn not to fear it.”
I have been side-lined since about three months ago…I confess I have been racing as you can tell…but I went from about 40 miles of running in a week…to under 5….
Number 2447….did not finish today…nor did it start. I had every dream of racing today. I should have been there. The Empire State Half Marathon is one of my favorites. I even won a plaque the inaugural year it came out…I was so excited that I will never forget how stoked I was to go up on the stage and get my plaque. I finished in 1:45…I improved since then.
I like the shirts at the race. I have two shirts from this marathon and I have my name on the back…One of my shirts has “Squire” on it and the other has “Phelpsy.” Phelpsy was my nickname in high school…
I was supposed to be moving this weekend to keep my mind off of running. My apartment is pretty much finished…I do have a few things left to do but there is a lot of time left…I have to be out by the 28th. I am not sure moving is the best decision but I am looking forward to a new start in Liverpool. I am a little scared because I have lived in Manlius and Fayetteville for many years. I am not sure what Liverpool will be like but I will never know unless I try.
I figured I could get my mind off running if I went out on my bike. It was really cold but I had a good time. I did just shy of 15 miles on Saturday and I made myself get up and ride for about 14 miles today. I had a great time and it was beautiful outside.
With my recent photo on Twitter and the Oiselle website, I have been really excited about running and being a member of the flock. I love belonging to a group, though I feel like I will never belong. I try so hard to fit in, but I will always be that shy girl…who is just waiting to be discovered. I was hoping to feel proud about this and I do, but I confess that I wish some of my friends could have been happy for me. It meant a lot for me to be chosen for this…and I put the personal touch of Green Lakes in my picture because it is one of my favorite places…
So it meant a lot for me to be picked to model in the “Fearless 261” collection by Katherine Switzer. She is amazing. It must have taken a lot of courage to sign up for the Boston Marathon in 1967 and be almost thrown out of the course for being a woman. I think I would have been irate if I could not race. I would like to think that I am faster than a lot of men.
As you can imagine, I cannot get my mind off running. I went to the doctor’s on Friday. This time I went to Upstate Bone and Joint. The doctor asked me what he could do for me. I did not know what to say. He said he thought the injection and he was surprised that the cortisone shot did not work. Well, he looked at the MRI and saw that there was bruising in my Femur, just by the knee. He thinks that I might have a stress fracture and that I have one in my ankle. I just want answers. I want to run and feel amazing. I love biking and I got into it because of my ex boyfriend. I thought I was going to give it up and I do like it now….but it is a love/hate relationship. I am also wondering if the bad falls on my bike might be the cause of my knee problems.
I could get lost running forever though. The doctor agreed to let me have another MRI. I am so happy but I am afraid that I will still be without concrete answers. What will I do next? If I do have stress fractures, he says they take about two months to heal. I have already been gimpy for three months. I have this constant pain that has only gotten worse.
I wanted to race so bad today but I know I need to listen to my body. I woke up this morning and stretched. I heard a loud pop and that was my answer for today. There would be no race. I was told I couldn’t race anyways and decided to listen. I am not sure it matters.
So here I am alone tonight. I set out on this journey to do all these amazing races and qualify for Boston. I know I go out fast, but I always have. It bothers me that I know deep down I have the speed but I am really injured. My body is capable of a sub 1:30 time, but my knees are not physically capable of it right now. I am bummed to read all of these wonderful posts about the race today…a race I should be able to run. Three months has been too long.
I am going to hear what the doctor says and I hope I get answers. I cannot keep reading about all of these races, no matter how much I care about the accomplishments. I hate that I will be alone on Thanksgiving….but I am strong.
So I am focusing on next year.
Here is what I want to do:
February – Ragnar Relay Florida Keys
February 22- Lake Effect Half Marathon
March 8- Ocean’s Run Rhode Island
March 21- Sleepy Hollow
May 16- St. Michael’s Distance Festival, Maryland
May 24- Buffalo Marathon
June- Lake Placid Half Marathon?
July- Shipyard Half Marathon
September 6- Bird in Hand PA- Deferred
September- Gulf Beach Connecticut – deferred
October- Bay State Marathon – BQ????
October- Marine Corps Marathon – Deferred