The Race That Wasn’t…Empire State Half Marathon and Relay

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“To keep from decaying, to be a winner, the athlete must accept pain–not only accept it, but look for it, live with it, learn not to fear it.”

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I have been side-lined since about three months ago…I confess I have been racing as you can tell…but I went from about 40 miles of running in a week…to under 5….

Number 2447….did not finish today…nor did it start.  I had every dream of racing today.  I should have been there.  The Empire State Half Marathon is one of my favorites.  I even won a plaque the inaugural year it came out…I was so excited that I will never forget how stoked I was to go up on the stage and get my plaque.  I finished in 1:45…I improved since then.

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I like the shirts at the race.  I have two shirts from this marathon and I have my name on the back…One of my shirts has “Squire” on it and the other has “Phelpsy.”  Phelpsy was my nickname in high school…

empire9  I was supposed to be moving this weekend to keep my mind off of running.  My apartment is pretty much finished…I do have a few things left to do but there is a lot of time left…I have to be out by the 28th.  I am not sure moving is the best decision but I am looking forward to a new start in Liverpool.  I am a little scared because I have lived in Manlius and Fayetteville for many years.  I am not sure what Liverpool will be like but I will never know unless I try.

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I figured I could get my mind off running if I went out on my bike.  It was really cold but I had a good time.  I did just shy of 15 miles on Saturday and I made myself get up and ride for about 14 miles today.  I had a great time and it was beautiful outside.

bikeride It was a gloomy ride, but it was still pretty.  I love riding in the Fall.  I am positive Fall is my favorite season.  I wish it lasted longer because the leaves on the trees are so pretty.

bikeride2 I love going by the farms and getting lost in the country.  I will never be a city girl.  I am scared of the city every day but it is where I have to work…I do it for Lilly.

empire4  With my recent photo on Twitter and the Oiselle website, I have been really excited about running and being a member of the flock.  I love belonging to a group, though I feel like I will never belong.  I try so hard to fit in, but I will always be that shy girl…who is just waiting to be discovered.  I was hoping to feel proud about this and I do, but I confess that I wish some of my friends could have been happy for me.  It meant a lot for me to be chosen for this…and I put the personal touch of Green Lakes in my picture because it is one of my favorite places…

empire5  So it meant a lot for me to be picked to model in the “Fearless 261” collection by Katherine Switzer.  She is amazing.  It must have taken a lot of courage to sign up for the Boston Marathon in 1967 and be almost thrown out of the course for being a woman.  I think I would have been irate if I could not race.  I would like to think that I am faster than a lot of men.

As you can imagine, I cannot get my mind off running.  I went to the doctor’s on Friday.  This time I went to Upstate Bone and Joint.  The doctor asked me what he could do for me.  I did not know what to say.  He said he thought the injection and he was surprised that the cortisone shot did not work.  Well, he looked at the MRI and saw that there was bruising in my Femur, just by the knee.  He thinks that I might have a stress fracture and that I have one in my ankle.  I just want answers.  I want to run and feel amazing.  I love biking and I got into it because of my ex boyfriend.  I thought I was going to give it up and I do like it now….but it is a love/hate relationship.  I am also wondering if the bad falls on my bike might be the cause of my knee problems.

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I could get lost running forever though. The doctor agreed to let me have another MRI.  I am so happy but I am afraid that I will still be without concrete answers.  What will I do next?  If I do have stress fractures, he says they take about two months to heal.  I have already been gimpy for three months.  I have this constant pain that has only gotten worse.

baa I am a little sad tonight.  I am afraid that the B.A.A. Half Marathon will be the closest I ever get to Boston.  So what do I do?

I wanted to race so bad today but I know I need to listen to my body.  I woke up this morning and stretched.  I heard a loud pop and that was my answer for today.  There would be no race.  I was told I couldn’t race anyways and decided to listen.  I am not sure it matters.

So here I am alone tonight.  I set out on this journey to do all these amazing races and qualify for Boston.  I know I go out fast, but I always have.  It bothers me that I know deep down I have the speed but I am really injured.  My body is capable of a sub 1:30 time, but my knees are not physically capable of it right now.  I am bummed to read all of these wonderful posts about the race today…a race I should be able to run.  Three months has been too long.

I am going to hear what the doctor says and I hope I get answers.  I cannot keep reading about all of these races, no matter how much I care about the accomplishments.  I hate that I will be alone on Thanksgiving….but I am strong.

So I am focusing on next year.

Here is what I want to do:

February – Ragnar Relay Florida Keys

February 22- Lake Effect Half Marathon

March 8- Ocean’s Run Rhode Island

March 21- Sleepy Hollow

May 16- St. Michael’s Distance Festival, Maryland

May 24- Buffalo Marathon

June- Lake Placid  Half Marathon?

July- Shipyard Half Marathon

September 6- Bird in Hand PA- Deferred

September- Gulf Beach Connecticut – deferred

October- Bay State Marathon – BQ????

October- Marine Corps Marathon – Deferred

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Those Moments In Life…

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“Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures.”

ImageThose moments in life where you feel like crap and all you want to do is just cry…but you are too strong and don’t want to whine…today that was me and I tried to hold it all in.  I was up half the night and I could not sleep because I was so sore and thought I was going to throw up.  I laid around and finally got up at 9:30 to make coffee.  Then I sat on the couch until about 12:30.  I got to thinking about some pictures I had forgot to get from the ex boyfriend.  So I texted.  I did not think it was a big deal.  Well, then he gets all huffy because I text out of the blue and I ask for them and he thought they were his.  When you dump someone, why would you want to keep pictures of that person?  I said it should not matter to him because he dumped me and they are meaningless.  I won’t get into all of the details but I love how I am the jerk even though he dumped me in a text and was a complete piece of shit.  I told him that today and I am proud of myself.  I have been proud of myself because I have been over him for a while now and I feel great.  The more I think about it the more I realize how much I hate him and how he loved money and could never share his life with me.  He tried telling me I wasn’t over him.    Then he asked for money for the bike.  I never picked out the bike.  I am over him and I do not want it.  I would rather burn it than to keep it.  He told me with me giving away stuff I would end up in a cardboard box.  You know what???  I would probably still be happier!!!!!!

 

I cannot wait to get a new bike.  I told him I am getting rid of the bike and I could hear the steam coming out of his ears.  Too bad!!!!!

I am so proud though.  This picture I took earlier was before I went for my walk.  I was glad I went for a walk then talked to him.  I told him how I felt and I hope he gets the idea. 

ImageThose times in life where you feel miserable..it is okay to cry because good times are coming.  Sometimes you just have to vent and then you can find that smile in there somewhere just waiting to get out.

Imageand it made me want to go for a walk even though I was sick…it was a short walk.   It seems like I just walked outside to my car and back but I went to the stream dressed all silly.

Imageyeah it was really rainy outside.

Imagebut I live by Limestone Creek…and it is really nice there…I went to the creek and just kind of relaxed until I froze…I think sometimes in life we need to stop in the middle of whatever craziness we are surrounded by and just relax…take in nature….

“I would rather be amongst forest animals and the sounds of nature, than amongst city traffic and the noise of man.” -Anthony Douglas Williams

Imageand so no matter how sad and how awful I felt today, I ended my afternoon with a nice,…serene walk in the woods…sometimes that is all it takes to just find yourself on one of those crazy days…and at the end of the day, I realize just how wonderful life can be and that I deserve the best!!!!!  Andddd that he was stupid not to realize it…and he isn’t getting the bike back….  🙂

 

 

Chittenango Falls

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ImageI have always struggled to achieve excellence. One thing that cycling has taught me is that if you can achieve something without a struggle it’s not going to be satisfying. ~ Greg LeMond

 

 

Today I went on a bike ride.  It was awesome.  It was amazing!  I loved the hard work I put into it.  I loved every minute of it except the fucking cold! It was so cold.  I was dying ha ha ha.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I biked a little shy of 14.5 miles and I was riding for 57 minutes. My top speed according to strava was 37.9 miles per hour on the downhill..so my time was slow and I climbed about 700 feet.  I loved the feel and I like biking.  I am hoping to get a new bike and sell my felt if anyone is interested???

 

I wanted to run after, but I was just too cold.  I had the energy, but I have awful circulation so I needed to get my feet warmed up.  I am afraid someday I will have toes fall off or some dreadful story to share about a cat nibbling on me like I am food.

 

My diet is going well though it is only the first day.  I feel a little more tired than normal, but it has been a long day.  I miss Lilly and she did not want to leave me.  She cried and would not let me leave daycare today because she did not want to go with daddy.  Does it ever get easier?  I do not think so. 

 

I miss her already.

ImageI still can’t believe she will be four soon…April 20, 2014….

I cannot wait to take her into school…anyhow back to Chittenango Falls.

 

My family had get together parties at Chittenango Falls since I was little.  I loved going there and my relatives are buried in Chittenango.  I like going there and listening to the falls.  It is absolutely beautiful.  My pictures I post are often of there.  I have been to Pratts Falls, which is also nice…but I love Chittenango. 

This is my bike last year:  Image

I really wish I had taken a picture today but I wanted to make the climb today just to prove I was capable of it ha ha ha.  I made sure I used strava…otherwise it didn’t happen ha ha.

 

Tomorrow I am hoping to run and ride.  Let’s see if it works.

Have a good night…I am nervous about this weekend coming up.  I had the hometown advantage and I ran into a lot of people I knew but I do not have that this weekend and I do not have people at the finish line.  I just need to believe I can do it and put my heart into it and hope someday, someone will be at the end.  I hope anyways……