The Race That Wasn’t…Empire State Half Marathon and Relay

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“To keep from decaying, to be a winner, the athlete must accept pain–not only accept it, but look for it, live with it, learn not to fear it.”

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I have been side-lined since about three months ago…I confess I have been racing as you can tell…but I went from about 40 miles of running in a week…to under 5….

Number 2447….did not finish today…nor did it start.  I had every dream of racing today.  I should have been there.  The Empire State Half Marathon is one of my favorites.  I even won a plaque the inaugural year it came out…I was so excited that I will never forget how stoked I was to go up on the stage and get my plaque.  I finished in 1:45…I improved since then.

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I like the shirts at the race.  I have two shirts from this marathon and I have my name on the back…One of my shirts has “Squire” on it and the other has “Phelpsy.”  Phelpsy was my nickname in high school…

empire9  I was supposed to be moving this weekend to keep my mind off of running.  My apartment is pretty much finished…I do have a few things left to do but there is a lot of time left…I have to be out by the 28th.  I am not sure moving is the best decision but I am looking forward to a new start in Liverpool.  I am a little scared because I have lived in Manlius and Fayetteville for many years.  I am not sure what Liverpool will be like but I will never know unless I try.

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I figured I could get my mind off running if I went out on my bike.  It was really cold but I had a good time.  I did just shy of 15 miles on Saturday and I made myself get up and ride for about 14 miles today.  I had a great time and it was beautiful outside.

bikeride It was a gloomy ride, but it was still pretty.  I love riding in the Fall.  I am positive Fall is my favorite season.  I wish it lasted longer because the leaves on the trees are so pretty.

bikeride2 I love going by the farms and getting lost in the country.  I will never be a city girl.  I am scared of the city every day but it is where I have to work…I do it for Lilly.

empire4  With my recent photo on Twitter and the Oiselle website, I have been really excited about running and being a member of the flock.  I love belonging to a group, though I feel like I will never belong.  I try so hard to fit in, but I will always be that shy girl…who is just waiting to be discovered.  I was hoping to feel proud about this and I do, but I confess that I wish some of my friends could have been happy for me.  It meant a lot for me to be chosen for this…and I put the personal touch of Green Lakes in my picture because it is one of my favorite places…

empire5  So it meant a lot for me to be picked to model in the “Fearless 261” collection by Katherine Switzer.  She is amazing.  It must have taken a lot of courage to sign up for the Boston Marathon in 1967 and be almost thrown out of the course for being a woman.  I think I would have been irate if I could not race.  I would like to think that I am faster than a lot of men.

As you can imagine, I cannot get my mind off running.  I went to the doctor’s on Friday.  This time I went to Upstate Bone and Joint.  The doctor asked me what he could do for me.  I did not know what to say.  He said he thought the injection and he was surprised that the cortisone shot did not work.  Well, he looked at the MRI and saw that there was bruising in my Femur, just by the knee.  He thinks that I might have a stress fracture and that I have one in my ankle.  I just want answers.  I want to run and feel amazing.  I love biking and I got into it because of my ex boyfriend.  I thought I was going to give it up and I do like it now….but it is a love/hate relationship.  I am also wondering if the bad falls on my bike might be the cause of my knee problems.

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I could get lost running forever though. The doctor agreed to let me have another MRI.  I am so happy but I am afraid that I will still be without concrete answers.  What will I do next?  If I do have stress fractures, he says they take about two months to heal.  I have already been gimpy for three months.  I have this constant pain that has only gotten worse.

baa I am a little sad tonight.  I am afraid that the B.A.A. Half Marathon will be the closest I ever get to Boston.  So what do I do?

I wanted to race so bad today but I know I need to listen to my body.  I woke up this morning and stretched.  I heard a loud pop and that was my answer for today.  There would be no race.  I was told I couldn’t race anyways and decided to listen.  I am not sure it matters.

So here I am alone tonight.  I set out on this journey to do all these amazing races and qualify for Boston.  I know I go out fast, but I always have.  It bothers me that I know deep down I have the speed but I am really injured.  My body is capable of a sub 1:30 time, but my knees are not physically capable of it right now.  I am bummed to read all of these wonderful posts about the race today…a race I should be able to run.  Three months has been too long.

I am going to hear what the doctor says and I hope I get answers.  I cannot keep reading about all of these races, no matter how much I care about the accomplishments.  I hate that I will be alone on Thanksgiving….but I am strong.

So I am focusing on next year.

Here is what I want to do:

February – Ragnar Relay Florida Keys

February 22- Lake Effect Half Marathon

March 8- Ocean’s Run Rhode Island

March 21- Sleepy Hollow

May 16- St. Michael’s Distance Festival, Maryland

May 24- Buffalo Marathon

June- Lake Placid  Half Marathon?

July- Shipyard Half Marathon

September 6- Bird in Hand PA- Deferred

September- Gulf Beach Connecticut – deferred

October- Bay State Marathon – BQ????

October- Marine Corps Marathon – Deferred

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Friday!!!!! Almost to the end….

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“If you really believe in what you’re doing, work hard, take nothing personally and if something blocks one route, find another. Never give up.”

 

runThese past few weeks have been really long and stressful for me.  I think most teachers would agree with me that this is a tough time of year.  I am trying to teach, get my classroom packed up, and enjoy the end of the year.  It feels impossible. I am glad that I try to be the relaxed person at work.  I cannot handle too much stress so I take a deep breath and just let it fall into place.  I think it is working.  I am helping the girls pack up their rooms because we are all moving…ummm what fun!

 

Running!  I did the Chase Corporate Challenge on Tuesday.  I never figured out why it is 3.5 miles instead of the standard 5k.  Does anyone know why that is?  I think I had too much pressure.  I was trying to do well because I was really good last year.  I was the top girl scorer and my district won fourth place out of everyone for the female teams.  I thought that was awesome and I did not let it get to my head.  I finished in just over 25 minutes so that was my goal this year.  However, the heat was not wonderful.  I think that I was frying on a skillet.  I wanted to die.  It was 93 degrees and people were passing out.  I went into a haze and I think it freaked me out.  I also was nervous because I felt like I had to do well and when I did not at the end of the night I felt like my boss was disappointed in me.  I still feel a little disappointed.   In a way, I wish I had not signed up because I want to run for fun and it was just too much.  The article in the corporate challenge section put a huge weight on my shoulders and I heard about it for most of the year.  I want to go back out there and do better, but it  just wasn’t safe.  The other girl I work with had to stop running because she saw her fiancé passed out on the ground.  He ended up in the hospital overnight and I heard it was so bad they ran out of ambulances.  I wish they would have canceled it. 

 

I did warm up before the run and I felt alright.  I did not use my compression sleeves because it was just really too hot.  I finished in 26:40 on my watch, but I think it was a glitch because the clock time read a disgusting 28 minutes.  Yuck that is slow!  That is three minutes slower than last year.  I want a redo!!!!!!!

 

Today is Friday and it is a beautiful day.  I am looking forward to the end of the day.  I am running the relay for the Ironman in Syracuse.  My team is getting together for the meeting tonight and check in at Jamesville Beach.  Everyone is making a big deal about these royal men from Bahrain who have more than one wife and are running and have tons of money.  I think it is great they are athletic and I saw they do a lot of charity work.  I hope people can see past their heritage and do not boo them during the competition.  I confess I would never be interested in them because they have money and are royalty.  Neither one of those qualities is something I would want in a relationship.  I am finding that some of the most rich people are rich in heart rather than rich in their wallets.  I was married to someone with a lot of money and that did not go over well in the marriage and money can never buy love.  I confess it was nice to go to two summer homes on the lakes.  I loved swimming in Skaneateles lake and I loved sailing…but it was not the marriage.  At the end of the day, we are all just people…living under the same sky.  I wish we would reach a point some day where we are all thinking this…Back to the race, I am soooooooo excited!!!!

 

I hope we do well and my swimmer is phenomenal!  Her name is Kim and she swims in college at Nazareth!!!!!  We did the Ironman two years ago and hope to come back with a vengeance!  I just got a new biker for our relay thanks to an awesome person!!!!!!!!!  I cannot wait and I hope he has a fun time.  I want to get top three, but I know that we will have fun and that should be our focus!  After Sunday, I have four more days of work (one half day with kids and one day with staff included).  I hope it goes by fast and I am a little annoyed we have not found out about who is teaching ESL summer school.  It is June 20th!!!!!!  Oh well.  I think I will sit this one out again.  I hate last minute and like I said, I do not like stress. 

 

I will run, cycle, and swim I hope.  I signed up for the Gillie Girl Triathlon in July on the 19th.  I hope it is fun and I do not drown in the water.  I wish I could have a ton of support for it because my hydrophobia is really bad.  I wish there was something I could do to just magically forget about it…but that is not possible!!!!!!!  I need to overcome my fears.  I have been pretty strong and I think no one would disagree with that statement If they knew me…so a snapping turtle should not get in my way.  So here is my confession.  Part of the reason I have enjoyed running at the canal is to see the turtles.  I think seeing them and how cute they can be has helped a little.  On the other hand, I am still just as horrified as to how friggan big they get!!!!!!  I want to keep running and I do not want them to eat my toes!!!!!!!!!!  I am scared and that is alright.  I need to get over it and move on because I think doing triathlons and duathlons could be a lot more fun than just a run.

 

I feel like a lot of people can run.  Many people can do a half marathon and not a lot of people do the full marathon.  I also want to do an ultra, which most people think is crazy.  I think doing a duathlon is a lot of fun, but I want the challenge of the triathlon.  Someday, I want to do the full ironman on my own.  I think that would be a big accomplishment.  I will not quit my relay team though ha ha ha…

 

So why settle for just being normal? 
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I want to be different.  I decided in life you cannot wait for someone to say they think that you are great at something.  You have to believe it yourself and realize that pushing yourself to your limits just makes you that much more amazing!  I want to be the best that I can be…I want to feel amazing, not just running.  Let’s see if I can do it…ps I miss biking this week…I am totally getting ready to get lost on a 100 mile ride on that sweet bike of mine!!!!!

Chittenango Falls

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ImageI have always struggled to achieve excellence. One thing that cycling has taught me is that if you can achieve something without a struggle it’s not going to be satisfying. ~ Greg LeMond

 

 

Today I went on a bike ride.  It was awesome.  It was amazing!  I loved the hard work I put into it.  I loved every minute of it except the fucking cold! It was so cold.  I was dying ha ha ha.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I biked a little shy of 14.5 miles and I was riding for 57 minutes. My top speed according to strava was 37.9 miles per hour on the downhill..so my time was slow and I climbed about 700 feet.  I loved the feel and I like biking.  I am hoping to get a new bike and sell my felt if anyone is interested???

 

I wanted to run after, but I was just too cold.  I had the energy, but I have awful circulation so I needed to get my feet warmed up.  I am afraid someday I will have toes fall off or some dreadful story to share about a cat nibbling on me like I am food.

 

My diet is going well though it is only the first day.  I feel a little more tired than normal, but it has been a long day.  I miss Lilly and she did not want to leave me.  She cried and would not let me leave daycare today because she did not want to go with daddy.  Does it ever get easier?  I do not think so. 

 

I miss her already.

ImageI still can’t believe she will be four soon…April 20, 2014….

I cannot wait to take her into school…anyhow back to Chittenango Falls.

 

My family had get together parties at Chittenango Falls since I was little.  I loved going there and my relatives are buried in Chittenango.  I like going there and listening to the falls.  It is absolutely beautiful.  My pictures I post are often of there.  I have been to Pratts Falls, which is also nice…but I love Chittenango. 

This is my bike last year:  Image

I really wish I had taken a picture today but I wanted to make the climb today just to prove I was capable of it ha ha ha.  I made sure I used strava…otherwise it didn’t happen ha ha.

 

Tomorrow I am hoping to run and ride.  Let’s see if it works.

Have a good night…I am nervous about this weekend coming up.  I had the hometown advantage and I ran into a lot of people I knew but I do not have that this weekend and I do not have people at the finish line.  I just need to believe I can do it and put my heart into it and hope someday, someone will be at the end.  I hope anyways……