So I was going to give up this blog but I had some pretty good posts and I decided to keep it. Yesterday was six months since I have been dumped and I am glad. I have grown a lot and there are a lot of hard times but that little girl is the cutest thing ever!!!!! My Lilly told me she did not want to be a princess because she would rather be a big girl!
So it is early for confession Friday but we all have these moments where even though we are strong, we fall. I try so hard to be the best person I can be but there are times when it is okay to just let loose. A child was being picked up and his mom showed up. She was pregnant. I remember being pregnant. I love Lilly and it is hard to leave her sometimes even though it is good to have time to just breath and learn to love life again because this is my chance to be free….and do things right….
I guess it started when my mom told me she had a dream there were two little girls at her house…one was Lilly and the other was another little blonde. I am 33 and I have to be honest when I say I do not know if I want more kids…so many things in my life are uncertain except that I have the best 4 year old!!!!!
Well I saw this mom and I had to walk away because it made me cry. They say it is harder to have kids after 37 and I am almost 34…I do not know if I would have the energy to have a baby when I am 37 and I do not know if I want to…but there is so much to consider before that…I guess I could adopt someday if I decided to but I do not know if they would give a single mother a child….anyhow, so I guess maybe it is the weather and I have not had a good run in two days…I should be happy I have Lilly and I am and she is the best. She is healthy and really perfect…
On another note I got into the Paris Marathon and have to turn it down because my ex supposedly already has plans for next February and cannot switch vacation times with Lilly. So I cannot go 😦
What do I want?
I want to have Lilly in my life everyday. I want to continue to feel like I am free. I want to run and bike…but I want to have someone in my life…no matter how little or much…